I’m paranoid about this topic, too. My son stays in a nursery on weekdays. I pray that no one in that place abuses him.

He’s only 3 but I try to tell him no one should play or touch his private parts, unless they were going to clean him. I also admonish him not to go with people he doesn’t know. He’ll say yes but I don’t think he completely understands what I’m saying. I want to make it a habit to remind him though.

I keep telling hubby not to tease/tickle/manggigigil sa anak nya. I told him to stop because it will give my son the wrong idea that it’s okay for adults to play with his body because it’s a game. Just like my son, I don’t think hubby completely understands where I’m coming from. He’s not doing it anymore but when I told him he only nodded & was quiet so I wasn’t satisfied the enormity hit home.

I don’t think we’re overreacting or being over protective. I don’t think I will ever allow my son to use a public loo until he’s at least 12! I’ve read enough child abuse to cover the scenarios which might be playing in your head, too. So I know where you’re coming from.

• Maybe when he is a little older, it is okay to tell him about this. Re the nursery, I think one of the trends now is to install cameras in preschools as well as daycare centers for parents to see what’s happening online. There is a school here in PI that does that. About us parents doing tickling and teasing, we do that too but I am just “fortunate” enough that my children are “pikon” when others (relatives) do that to them. They really assert that they stop doing that. We taught them to do that, saying “no” or “stop” and they sort of understood what we meant.

Ang hirap ng tanong. Next question please.

Let me see … what did i do …

I guess I did tell them to be wary of strangers … not to respond when strangers talk to them, beckon to them, ask them go go somewhere. Not to take money or candy or whatever from strangers. So the touching part goes with it. I don’t really remember explicitly telling them to repulse strangers who tend to hold or caress them.

But I guess I must have told them that not all strangers are not to be trusted.. but that sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between those who mean well and those who mean harm. So i must have warned them to be careful.

• Another topic to be discussed with them, be wary of strangers. I remember before that the warnings my mom gave me were “Never accept things, food from a stranger” or “Never go with someone you do not know”. You know, Annamanila, even on TV, I think this is taught to the children, as a sort of advertisement. Times have really changed.

Hi Julie,
I hear yah on this one. When my daughter was 4 years old, I started teaching her about the PP being a private part, she has to say: ” NO TOUCH!” She demands her privacy in the bathroom or changing, it just came naturally. My daughter asserts herself and has a loud voice and I tell her that she better use it when she doesn’t feel comfortable. Of course, she will be enrolled in a self-defense class.

• Good for you and your daughter. I think your daughter and mine are cut from the same mold: assertive. 😀

my 5-year old has been going to an academic school since he was 2. from that time that he was 2, i’ve noticed that schools in the US (he has attended 3 private schools) have the same mantra: “KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF”. this is what teachers tell the kids all the time. every single day in all the schools he has attended. it teaches kids to respect other kids and to respect other kid’s belongings. more importantly, it teaches kids that no one can touch them. ergo, a child is put on “time out” when he/she touches someone else.

my advice: remind your kids to keep their hands to themselves; at the same time, remind them that no one should touch them. young kids are still not able to distinguish good touch from bad touch so make it general: no touching. period. every day, do not forget to ask your child, “did you touch anybody? did anybody touch you?” make it a habit. i do it daily.

• Purplegirl, that’s one of the most important rules I tell my students, “Keep your hands to yourself.” Although this definitely targets those who are fidgety, impulsive and unconsciously invades others’ personal space. Speaking of personal space, that is one of the important things we teach our clients, knowing about your and others’ personal space. That you have to keep distance from others.

I guess this is a matter that is very relevant these days, considering there are so many perverts out there who will harm a kid given a chance. I don’t really remember my mom telling me to be wary of strangers or about this touching issue. I guess I must have been a really assertive kid as well, teacher, because I was never groped at or touched maliciously.

But what you are telling your kids are just a warning for them not to be harmed. Tama lang naman yan, teacher

Happy Thursday po!

• Good that you are assetive. My daughters are like that too. Even our youngest, she would really scream and say “Ayoko ko na. Istop na” whenever we tickle her to no end. Times have changed, predators are more daring. Yes, we childproof our home to avoid accidents so we also do something to prevent things like these from happening.

I’m quite sensitive with this topic also especially now that my eldest, Nicole, is turning 12 this June and she just had her period.

Like Sasha, I didn’t remember my mom to be wary of strangers but times are different. I tell my kids to be very assertive and not let anyone do these thing to them.

Even Lance, my 8y/o, is quite keen on this matter. He doesn’t change his shirt anywhere, he needs to be in a place where nobody can see him.

This is a good topic!

God bless!

• One of the main concerns of parents, when their daughters are growing up. Actually even before they reach adolescence. We really have to teach them these because times have really changed. Though we cannot do anything about these changes, we can definitely do everything to help our children protect themselves. Help them, because we can not really be with them at all times. Thanks for dropping by!

Hi Julie. I understand your concern because we often hear of disturbing news about minors being abused. I haven’t personally talked to my son about these things yet but I admire you for teaching your children about it at their young age. With today’s increasing number of violation on minors, I think it is best if they are aware of “good and bad touches.” Thanks for sharing and making me realize that I should start thinking of this topic too.

Thanks for visiting me earlier. Take care! Enjoy the coming weekend.

• Violation on minors. Yes, we should be very vigilant about these things. Sad and appalling to think that even babies are abused at times. You will be very wary too especially when your son starts going to school. Have a good weekend Rachel!

hi Julie! i am also having problems, like Auee, with Hubby making gigil and tickling my son. After reading your entry, I talked with Hubby and told him that he would have to give a “man-to-man” talk with our son about this matter. Hopefully this move will kill two birds with one stone. No pun intended =)

My son is now starting to get shy around strangers, and refuses to undress in front of other people. I don’t know if he will understand already, but I think this will be a good time to start having “safety” talks with him.

• Especially now that Lucho is starting school, I think it is a good time to talk about safety and personal privacy to him. I think you live in a compound with other people so it is also one setting where you can discuss it with him.

Uhoh..haven’t really thought about it, ’til now.. I haven’t spoken to my boys about the touching topic. I am more worried about them being bullied by other kids. It can really destroy their self image.
Thanks for sharing… I think I have to discuss it with them too.

• This issue about touching is in fact a bullying subtopic. This is one of the ways a child can get bullied because touching is not just done by adults but sometimes by bigger, older children too. I remember when I was still a Kindergarten teacher, a student came crying and told me about a fifth grader who always pulls down his shorts when they are in the school bus. I and the intermediate grade coordinator confronted the boy about his behavior. That made me tell my 5 and 6 year old students about this topic. That when somebody does this to them, they should say no and report to the teacher or other school authorities immediately.

I used to say that to my daughter when she was in grade school. I had to do it very subtly though.But of course, when she entered high school, i didn’t have to remind her. She already knew and understood.

• Thank you Rhodora for doing that. We really should be protecting our children, not just our daughters from people who do these.

I told my 2 boys about good touch and bad touch when they were stiil young, I think about 3 and 4. And I have always made sure that they understood that their body is sacred and nobody’s allowed to touch them. I also bought an age-appropriate book about the topic to make sure I got the message across.
Until now they are not allowed to go to public restrooms by themselves, usually they have to go with their Dad. But in rare instances that their Dad isn’t with us, I stand outside the door and make sure they’re okay. I tell them in a loud voice (just in case someone is inside) “I’m right here by the door” to make sure that whoever is inside is aware of my presence. How’s that for paranoid?LOL
It’s sad how our world has come to this but as parents we can never take chances.

• I like what you do, standing outside the door. In some of the big malls here in Metro Manila, they put urinals for boys inside the women’s bathroom. Saves me from worrying if Julian has to go and my husband is not with us. Plus the little boys get a corner of their own, amidst the chaos of the women around them,

[…] knowing when people are taking advantage of their vulnerability as children, […]

[…] summer I discussed about G ood Touch and Bad touch with my […]

[…] Even the children that I work with, we teach them about personal space, about putting a fair distance between them and the person(s) they are with as well as physical space between them and others who might take advantage of them. […]

[…] One of the more important things to teach our children would be to learn to say “NO” to others. […]

Ako, I believe that awareness about this issue should start from home. The moment nagkaisip na si Deye ko, that was during the time when we got back here to Philippines where we are surrounded by male relatives, I kinda hinted her that no one can touch or see her “bottom” muna. Sabi ko din sa kanya pag dudumi sya only Mama and Mita can wash your “pwet”, not even lolo can do that. Ang point ko kasi dun di natin alam ang isip ng mga tao, minsan nga sariling tatay nagagawan ng di maganda ang anak na babae especially. Then from there, slowly sinasabi ko na sa kanya kung bakit lalo na kako sa school, di sya pwedeng hawakan sa private parts and whenever she asks why I just tell her “kasi girl sya kaya dapat girl lang ang pwede hahawak sa kanya”. Mahirap pa kasi ipaliwanag ng malalim kasi baka magkaron lalo ng malisya.